I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
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