you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
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As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
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We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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