I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
