Are we in a gay sports bar?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I just want to make out with him forever
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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