We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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