I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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