ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Randomize
