omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
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