What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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