Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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