How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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