I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
