whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
