im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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