her vagine was all disorganized.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
NoShamevember. You game?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Randomize
