We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
