I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
