im drinking this country out of the recession.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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