I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
My ass is underappreciated
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
