I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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