i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize