I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
