my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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