how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
