I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
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So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize