so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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