I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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