I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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