i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
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Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
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His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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