BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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