kristin has been a bad kristin
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
