you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
