My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
