Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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