i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
She announced her abortion via fbk
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
