he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
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I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
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Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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