Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
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