Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
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you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
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If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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