I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize