What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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