I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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