Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
