Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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