Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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