I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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