And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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