we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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