Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
