the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
