this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
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