Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
