When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
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