Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
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