Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
