Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
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