There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
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