they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
