Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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