I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
