Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
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