I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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