her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
