There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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