I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
