Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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