the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.