you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
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Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
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That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.