Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course