hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
