Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
