Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
