So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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