When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
