WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
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My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
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I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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