You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
