i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I'm determined to sit on that face.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
