You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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