You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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