i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize