I need help removing her.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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