She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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