Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
