nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
